This Blew me away...

Fever Ray 'When I Grow Up'

Of OStrichEs and EgGs

As you probably already know I went on an out-of-this-world Road trip through South Africa with some amazing French friends 

This trip touched every part of my soul.

In this video you will witness the fearful and playful part of my soul.

I

Rode

an

Ostrich

in

Oudtshoorn

I'm surrounded by inspiring people - I want to be one too!

My friend that I was skyping with below, asked me who this incredible person I had been speaking about was.I couldn't explain it well without exposing some of his work.

Because he is a Jack of many trades and has taught me so much.

While I searched I came across this video of a talk he gave to a group of people in Melbourne (The city he lives in and also the best place in the world according to him!)

What you see here is the tip of the Ice Berg of what he is about and what he is like.

Stand. Your. Ground. - Speak. Your. Mind.

I am currently having a skype chat with a friend of mine (Kerrie Channer The Phenomenal) with whom I have not spoken to in ages.

Way too long to be honest.

We had a spontaneous music swap using YOUtube. Wow. I love the internet.

There - I said it.

And she introduced me to Josh Kumra.

Please, meet him. He is singing my mind.

I Love my country

I have recently had the fortune of being asked to accompany some French friends on a road trip through South Africa.

This request, couldn't possibly come at a better time.

I am leaving South Africa to go and study in Sweden and had a bit of sadness around leaving not having explored enough of my own home ground.

As usual, the universe felt my distress and made it all right.

There was much I discovered about myself and others on the trip.

What fuels my fire and the like.

My fellow travelers, unbeknownst to them, taught me loads...

All this shall be shared in a number of posts.

But for now, I bring you, my 2 amazing fellow travelers.

Who, patiently and humorously taught me French and tried their best to pick up and learn English :) And with whom I shared one of my most adventurous time of my life!

Meet Pierre and Louison (aka Lulu or Lou Lou)

It has been about a day since we parted ways and I miss them dearly already! I hope to visit them once I'm settled in Sweden!


Tu me manques déjà, l'espoir de vous voirbientôt!

Dancing like a maniac!

Everybody (I'd like to think and sincerly hope) has a song that sends them wild and forces them to stop and dance NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE.

This is that song for me. The video is also a friggin masterpiece.

Enjoy!

Sweden here I come!

The news is beginning to settle and I've begun wrapping my head around the road and head and the journey I've embarked on.

I have been selected to take part in an amazing program in Sweden. I struggle to find the perfect vocabulary to express my utter sheer excitement about this news. The Program is aimed at people who want o make a difference in the world we all live in. Keeping in mind that we have all contributed to the multiple problems that our fragile home faces and are therefore all responsible to attempt to help it and it's inhabitants.

The name of the program is The International Youth Initiative Program (YIP) I urge you to read more about what the program is all about here ===> www.yip.se as I am incapable (at this points at least) to put into words what the teachings encompass. I am going to set up a blog which is dedicated to my year with YIP. Because I do not believe that placing smatterings of my experiences here will do my approaching experience any justice. I feel it in my heart.

While I was writing this blog post I discovered this video, which combines a couple of my favourite types of art forms (music, visuals and poetry).

The song is by Miike Snow and it's called Sans Soleil (meaning "sunless") This video was made by a fan of Miike Snow. The fan has aptly taken scenes from a mind-blowing, eye-opening as well as rather moving film from the Qatsi Trilogy of films. The scenes are from the first of the trilogy. Koyaanisqatsi.

It's one of those films that I believe every, single, human being should watch. It contains no spoken language. Only music and visuals making it easily understood and felt by people across all kinds of cultural and religious bubbles.

PLEASE WATCH IT. But for now, indulge!

Sans Soleil from altereagle on Vimeo.

Happy Bubble

Source

Source

I hate to preach, but...

I've just finished a 10 and a half hour long shift at work (currently as a waitress) and I'm feeling rather inspired by myself (before you take your pin out to prick my seemingly inflated head, hear me out).

I suppose, "inspired by myself" is the incorrect way to phrase this.

Perhaps I should say, the series of events have done.

Resuming to the point, we have a daily financial target which, when reached, earns us a certain monetary incentive.

Today was a particularly frustrating day as there was a rugby match between The Stormers & The Blue Bulls (YAY, The Bulls won! "MY BLOOD IS BLUE!!") and with any sporting gathering at my place of work there comes an inseparable, annoying best friend - excessive drinking.

With these 2 pals holding hands, things become rather difficult. To say the least.

In any case, to cut my ramble short.

I reached a point when my back and feet were aching terribly and I felt that I would not reach the target.

I was highly discouraged and unmotivated.And quite honestly started convincing myself that not reaching it wouldn't be so bad, although I knew better.

But I decided to push on. Just keep going. Somewhere within myself I knew I could do it.

Yes.
I did.

It's a small (somewhat insignificant) victory, granted. But to me it reminds me of one huge monster of a lesson:

The human spirit can overcome anything, with enough will power and resilience anything is achievable!

YES!

"James Blake, Will you marry me?"

I'm seriously, honestly, sincerely, solemnly, fervently am thinking of dedicating an ENTIRE page to James Blake.

He sends shivers down my spine, makes me smile, tear up and feel warm. Sometimes i experience all of these in the same song!

He is a legend! Wow.

Thanks to Bong for introducing us!! I'm addicted now. There is no turning back.

This song has sent me over the edge...



Here is the original by Joni Mitchell - I thought it only fair...

Silent Evolution

This sculptor was introduced to me by a lovely soul by the name of Paula O' Brien.

One of the most vibrant soul's I've ever ever encountered in my life! She is my ex-boyfriend's mom , who is an artist and a free-spirit.

She came up with this website and put together the mind-blowing list of artist's on it.

In my opinion, she lives this saying:

"Work Is Love Made Visible" Kahlil Gibran

So as you can tell, she is pretty amazing.

Here is a link to one of my favourite artists' work

Tap Your Mousie Over HERE

Meet Tony Orrico

Uhm, so I discovered this brilliant man a couple weeks ago, but was feeling a bit selfish so I didn't share my discovery. But now I'm sitting here and thinking about how absolutely ridiculous I'm being!

I suppose my love for him stems mainly from the fact that I have an unreasonable love for symmetry. Anything symmetrical sends joy up my spine! Particularly buildings and art pieces. Strange but true.

I'm not going to ramble on for much longer...

Meet Tony Orrico:



This one is quite long, but the end product stunning (as all his work is) so you might want to skip to the end :)



This has to be my (very tentative) favourite!

One of THOSE days

Today I got to the internet cafe to do my usual stalking of the YIP website and to check if there has been any mail from them.

And was excited to find mail from one of the organisers! But all was not well, as the email was to notify me that they had not received my application yet.Despite my efforts of sending my mail via EMS (Emergency Mailing Service). Oh Dear!

The email was sent an entire 2 days ago! In this period of time I had a wallet taken from me, leaving me penny-less and my cellphone fell into a glass of coca-cola which was very conveniently placed beside my bed on the floor! I couldn't really admit to the YIP people that this is what really happened. I mean how believeable is it that the one day I was going to call them this happened? A cellphone, into a glass of fizzy drink? Really.

(I actually got a little embarrassed reading this) Sigh.

So while I rushed to get all the paper worked to them, (while receiving a crash course on how to use the very particular scanner at my internet cafe of choice) I realised that I did not have all the original documents as I had posted them. EEK!

But by some marvelous intervention or some sort of antics by the universe, I found each. And. Every. Single. Piece of documentation that I had sent them originally. Ha! How? I can never answer that. (Well, yes, I did rummage through 5 computers but hey, mission accomplished right?)

In any case, after I sent the application I was still on edge and needed to call the office in Sweden on my cellphone, which in itself made me nervous,

"Do I have enough airtime?"

"Am I able to make international calls?"

"Do I have the correct number?"

"Will I find someone to speak to in the office"

And, and, and!

I visit the bathroom to ease my annoying excuse for a bladder.

And offcourse, a day is not complete without some clumsy mistake made by me.

"The clumsiness of the day trophy goes to..." (Drumrolll....) "Didi!"

For dropping the entire roll of ,what seemed like, the last surviving toilet paper, into the toilet of the internet cafe! Oh my!

After sorting out my dismal attempt at a normal toilet visit, I called YIP and spoke to a real person, who was actually quite pleasant AND helpful!

Hoorah.

I went back to the internet cafe and proceeded to find these 2 amazing videos! :

My housemate showed me this last night and I thought I wouldn't ever find it  again. Skip the add and PLEASE watch till the end. There's a cool message to us all!



And this guy. Wow. Really? I want to meet him and hug him and interview him! Legend! And the song? Cheese and Rice!

Feeling rather inspired

Today is one of those days where I woke up feeling more like myself than I have in a long time.

I woke up feeling inspired, well-rested and ready to face anything.

Ready to embrace whatever my future holds for me.

Feeling light as though I had placed my entire trust and future in the hands of the universe.

It knows what I want, better yet - NEED.

Has never let me down.

So,

Universe, work your magic! (as you always have done) 

Indulging

Very Very VERY Beautiful

There is so much I want to scream and jump and sing and share about this website.


No Really.


SooOoO I invite you to please, please have a look at this website. Grab a snack, a drink. 


Or neither.


And simply revel in the (excuse the repetition) BEAUTIFUL site. 


filled with...


(excuse me once more) BEAUTIFUL things.

Click here to visit this MARVELOUS WONDERLAND

I do breathe...Indeed, I live

Wow.

There is a level of embarrassment were even an apology doesn't fix or come close to trying to fix.


That is me.

The cobwebs on this page have become fossils. 

SIeS!

I have been up to loads and loads. I will update you soon.


x

I made a lullaby for my children

So I'm having a rather technically challenged time today and I have to hurry off and bid one of my favourite people farewell. Oh Sarah Peep, why are you deserting me? What shall I do around here without you?

It shall be dull.


It shall be sad.

It shan't be as bright as it used to be.

Back to my main point. I can't upload the song I made for my future daughters and sons.
I put the laptop mic on and it flowed straight from the heart. They will love it.

Okay. Enough Now.

Crossing my fingers - Walking The Daisies!

So I try my utmost to be as green as possible - by green I don't mean envious or jealous - I mean the 
envitonmentally friendly kind of groen.

And this year, apart from keeping moutains of wine bottles consumed by the entire house for recycling & re-use (My ex-housemates are definite guzzlers I might add). In addition I have put my Ruby's (the lovely little Opel Monza which is the cause of the biggest mishaps turned adventures in my life, such as this one) engine to rest and used my legs and the train to get around!

I'm pretty proud of myself you know. I could have been zooooooOoooming around the city as I used to. contributing to the ever rising levels of Carbon Mono and Di oxide in the atmosphere.

And now, potentially the biggest & funnest attempt at contributing to greening myself further is this:

WALKING THE DAISIES!

I have applied and am waiting; like a schoolboy waiting to be called into the principals office; for the results!

I've bitten every nail that has grown over my finger tips off. I've even begun gnawing at the strips of skin surrounding the nail.

In my application I've even offered to give the other walkers one of my killer Foot massages. Yup! I know.

Anyway - Crossing fingers!

Didi xx

Dragonfly feat. Zaki Ibrahim by Richard the Third (Biscope)

I need to express my utter adoration for this song! It's a masterpiece.


As if I didn't already have major respect for Richard & Zaki. yOu make me want to sing! aND Make sick BEATS AlL DAY!


ENJOY  It- Hopefully as much as I do. Have a listen below

Dragonfly feat. Zaki Ibrahim by Richard the Third (Biscope)

When you know you’re not spending enough time with yourself

This is a tiny snippet, it’s more one of those thoughts that come skipping into the mind and then sit in my mental park’s bench. Waiting for me to poke and prod at it until some sort of light bulb goes on.

I’ve just come home from having dinner with Julia (only one of my utmost favourite people in the world). Julia’s my former housemate, but honestly after surviving living with each other we are practically sisters. She is family. My moving out has not stopped us from spending time together. It’s a special bond that will take unbelievably persistent and harsh prying to unstick.

Anyhow I got home to my new housemate having a ciggie outside the house. I quickly dumped my pizza lunch box and bag down in my already messy room and headed straight back out to go talk to her.

We proceeded to have a long talk about love, the lack thereof, the male brain, Libran males, the emotional retardation men seem to be born with, astrological signs, my birth chart, repairing broken glass, *FRANKenstein, the moon, the breathtaking view of Cape Town from her room window and must see movies.

By the time I headed to my room it was 1am.

All I wanted to do then was jump into bed and visit Lala in her enchanting Land.

But I hadn’t even spent time with me.

For a second I stood still and asked myself. If I was my own friend. Would I be happy with the amount of time I was spending with myself?

The answer was a loud and angry no.

Whenever you aren’t sure. Turn yourself into a friend with a name (preferably one that doesn’t exist in your current pool of friends) and ask yourself if you would be happy with the treatment you have been giving your newly named friend.

You can apply the exact same method to other questions. Heck go wild on the method! Is your friend getting enough rest? What advice would you give her if you were you and she was her?

How perfectly normal women turn into "That Psycho *&%#@"

Last night was the most twisted night I have had in forever (that might be a lie, but right this moment if feels that way). I’m a firm believer that we all experience things to learn a lesson of some sort. Both fantastic and downright terrible things; about ourselves, others and the world we are involuntarily a part of.

So *Frank has made a re-appearance in my life. After a series of roller coaster moments (with fabulous peaks, beautiful plutonic waves  & really distasteful lows) I decided to cut him out of my life a few months ago, mainly because I was just pouring too much into a seemingly hole-riddled jug. I got to a point where I didn’t have enough fingers to stop the liquid from seeping out. Too much slaving. Even for the most patient, giving soul.

I sent him an email stating why I was snipping him out. An email you ask? Well, that’s about all he deserved to be honest. And then he had the cheek to email me back with bullet points and red lettering under each paragraph I had written. The nerve.

A few weeks ago I dreamt that I had seen him and he came up to me to apologise about the email he sent back (it was pretty darn cold and rude that). The strangest thing is that I had honestly not been thinking about him. I no longer had his number, blocked him on gmail, Facebook and my mind. I was at that point where; whenever I heard a song that he gave to me I enjoyed the song for what it was and it didn’t remind me of him. What a lovely place to be.

After the dream I felt like I had taken 5 giant leaps backwards, I missed him again, worried about his wellbeing and all the other frills that come with such leaps.

Lo & behold, a couple days later he walks into the same bar/lounge/club me and my 2 besties are at. I literally gasped and grabbed both of them (they were sitting either side of me, I think I actually had one of each of their breasts in my hand, but we didn’t take note) I quickly straightened myself up before he caught a glimpse of me. He stopped in his tracks momentarily and then restarted smoothly, came over to say hello, handshake and then he was off to the bar. I couldn’t believe I had seen him.

How coincidental. I didn’t know how I felt about him being there. Sara P & I were already feeling down about her leaving in a weeks time. Caitie was trying to cheer us up but to no avail. Towards the end of my time at the bar one of his friends came looking for me. He found me and told me it was *Frank’s best friend’s farewell (who I have to mention is an absolute sweetheart). What was I to do? He led me to where he was and I approached him tentatively (he is Frank’s friend and that – in my mind - was not my territory at all). He swooped me up and gave me the biggest hug. Was extremely happy to see me. I suspect the liquor he had been offered from all directions had something to do with this :)

The very corner of my eye caught a glimpse of *Frank; he was staring, I couldn’t quite make out what his expression was screaming. After a bit of a dance and chitter chatter with his best bud I went off to continue with my life. I was waiting for a friend and *Frank walked up to me and started up a conversation. I was brief. Cold. “Yes”, “No” type answers. I had a shell. I knew it was there, but never so visible to me – it’s owner. It was shielding my healthy bouncing heart.

He then plunged into what seemed like the most sincere apology I have heard (seen) in a long long time. I stood there, frozen. At a loss for words, teetering on the edge of a teardrop. I got my footing and stepped away from the edge. I listened and listened.

I thought and thought. That hard shell still keeping me from feeling entirely.

He told me that I didn’t deserve the way he had treated me, nor the email he sent. He told me he writes about me in his journal and I’m “an absolute champ” in it, that he often thinks that when he’s an old man someday he’ll look back on the time in Cape Town and think about what a big loss it was that we were not together. He told me that he had shared some of his most innermost thoughts, feeling & experiences with me, he told me he loved my energy, he told me he loved spending time with me, he told me he liked me, a lot. He told me that if we were in a different time and space (and he didn’t finish that sentence, we both knew). He told me I that I’m a beautiful, intelligent woman. He then apologised again for his dick behaviour. (Please understand, I have looked through the dictionary and thesaurus and tried to replace that word with a more civilised word, and for the love of God, I struggled and failed to find one. Dick it is.)

He gave me a side hug. Which I gave him a suggestive look for. His response “What, I’m trying to hold back” and then went in for a proper, real hug.

The intensity.

He asked me to come home with him. This I laughed at. What a joker. I ignored his silly request. He grabbed my hand and asked me to please come home with him. The shell was beginning to dissolve. Unfortunately.

I made it crystal clear that if we do go home together there would be no sexual play whatsoever. That if we did end up under the same roof, it would be to talk and catch up. I told him to please pick another girl if what he wanted was sex. He looked me dead in the eye and said “ If I were to go home with anyone in this entire place, it would have to be you, even if its just to talk”. I think the shell stopped working at this point.

We went to his place. My room was an absolute mess. Still is.

When we got there we grabbed a blanket and some cushions and went to the rooftop of his building. He lives right by the sea. We sat there listening to the ocean and taking in the fresh seabreeze. He said I wish we could just start over. Start over?

We went to bed after he warmed my feet between his legs, tickling me and exchanging back massages. He held me as though he was about to lose me. We had stuck to my rule and yet the passion was nearly tangible.

Almost clutching onto the moment and not me. Only just.

Morning came and the grip was still as tight.

We both had to continue with our separate lives. I left and decided not to take down his number. I could see he hated this. But my shell was now, yet again, intact.

A peck on the lips and I was out.

I wrote something a few days ago to describe how I felt when I left that apartment. The emotion was so distinct. I will never forget it. Here is my description:

The minute I stepped out of the apartment building and felt the sting of the sunshine on the top of my eyeballs. I began to split into a million tiny pieces with merely the clothes on my back and beret atop my head holding me together. Fragility I could never comprehend. He had my heart. Three storeys above where I stood. He busily walked around the apartment straightening it up. Oblivious to the part of me he held in a handkerchief stuffed in the pocket of the trousers he wore.

I had to continue walking. I had to.

We exchanged some emails which I initiated. And then, again, cold, cut-off *Frank stood before me. That hole-riddled jug.

I decided a few days later not to be so ruled by my ego. There was a nagging feeling telling me I’d regret it if I didn’t try harder. You know, extend the arm a little.

So I wrote him to invite him to an event happening last night. He couldn’t make it because he had prior commitments. The responses got shorter and colder.

Somehow I got a hold of his number. I decided to text him after talking to a girlfriend of mine about it. She left the option to me. Texted him, no response, tried calling him, no response.

A friend from Italy who is leaving today gave me a call and asked me to come to Waiting Room to join him on his last night. So I went.

We got a drink and then went upstairs to join the rest of his friends.

There he was. Standing there.

I said a brief hello and continued to speak to the person I had come there for.

We pretty much ignored each other. And then towards the end if the evening. I walked up to him and asked him why he was being so cold in the emails.

After lots of poking and prodding to get him to speak to me. He finally said that he doesn’t feel anything for, me and that he never did, he said that he remembered nothing from the night we last saw each other, he told me all he really wanted to do was have sex with me. He said he meant some of the things in the email he sent.

He tore the entire apology apart. He shredded it.

As you can imagine I had a meltdown, it appears that shell was no longer there to protect me. It had gone elsewhere to guard some other heart.

I wanted to stop the flood gates but it was too late. Far too late. The waterfalls began, uncontrollable emotion. He didn’t flinch. He then asked if I could get out of his way so he could leave.

I gave him way, but my heart wasn’t satisfied. We wanted something more. A warmer response I suppose.

I found myself semi-running down the road to squeeze in one more sentence.

One more question. One more answer ticked off the list.

I caught up and just as I got to him, Caitie and some friends approached, we started saying something to each other. I needed to get some things from her bag and vice-versa. Just as Caitie and the crew left. He ran.

No; sprinted up the road. And around some or other corner.  Cape Town streets turned into a maze. Him the mouse.

This is the part I’m least proud of. I took my heels off and tried finding him. Can you imagine the madness of that reality?

The sheer desperation in that decision. It gives me chills.

I found myself doing that. I scared myself. I wanted to laugh but I couldn’t.

I found Caitie in her car and jumped in. I don’t know why I did that. Like being in that car was going to restrain me. A straightjacket of sorts.

At the next junction. I asked her to stop and got out. I guess this must have been the emotional equivalent of escaping from the mental institution? I don’t know.

I somehow thought I was going to find him. Honestly.

My brain stepped in and lead me straight to where I had left my friends before I headed to Waiting Room.

I got there, shaken, shocked and surprisingly silent.

I didn’t want to talk. All I wanted to do was make sense of it all in my mind.

What had just happened?

People get labeled all kinds of things all the time. They get these labels because of all kinds of reasons. But before we do that the people who contributed to get them there (each and every one of us) should think twice about it.

To *Frank I’m that Psycho Bitch that chased him down the road in Cape Town, heels in hand. But there are some events that lead to that moment in time. It is not an unrelated incident. I was pushed to that point. I didn’t chase an absolute stranger down the road.

I eventually spoke to my friends about what he had said to me. I am so sad that I invested so much time and energy into *Frank.

I’m still quite fragile about it all. I had a couple good cries last night and today.

I’m picking up the pieces. Slowly but eventually I will be all good again and ready to give of myself as I have.

>> And to my Love Guru, I know you are going to catch wind of this situation and you did tell me so. I should have listened but I didn’t. I got burnt and will learn not to trust *Frank. But I’m not sure this has taught me a lesson about men in general.

This one's for *St Leon

I’ve just come back from having lunch with Leon. What a treat. Both the company, and the food.

He is such a gem of a person. He is one of those people that re-inforce my belief that the length of time you’ve known someone is not necessarily equivalent to how well you know them and how comfortable you feel around them. I met Leon randomly earlier this year and still happy I gate crashed that gathering of old friends.

He’s the inspiration for me finally clearing the cobwebs that have built up on here. He was “stuck” in Ghana during the world cup and would visit my blog to find snippets of the action of things in Cape Town. They keep him sane I guess.

My biggest apologies for the hectic cob webs. I’ve got a serious Worldcup hangover that has lasted longer than I ever dreamed.

Okay I’m about to totally gush about my awesome friend now. If you’re looking for a knight in shining armour – you may want to read further :)

He’s changed my idea about engineers, they are not boring people and their job certainly isn’t. Well his atleast. He’s unwittingly given me much insight into what he actually does and how intricate his job is. I love it when people who know what they are talking about, talk about it in depth. I’m a sponge I said.

Because he travels often, I don’t get to see him much. But when I do, we go straight back to where we left the bookmark when we last saw each other. It’s a beautiful thing. He tells me about his amazing travel adventures (like his weeklong trip along the Nile)  and his sailing trip to Turkey. Honestly I’m a proper shade of green. The envy.

On his birthday a couple days ago he rounded up his friends and we invaded Dizzy’s in Camps Bay for Karaoke night. Now anyone who has had a mad night out with me would know that I am Karaoke queen. I once fought with a 45 year old woman for the mic. I say she was jealous. I take it seriously you know.

Leon & I took on the crowd wielding our microphones and a killer track. Wonderwall by Oasis. That song evokes so many memories and emotions. If there were a way, I would take it and stuff it into my memory box filled with treasures I’ve discovered or stumbled upon along my path of life. Anything from sea shells to letters I wrote to my friend during math class in grade 9. Pretty neat I’d say.

We got the crowd to sing along. It was a miniature concert I tell you. Legendary if I say so myself.

He’s going to have a “farm in Africa” one day where he is going to retire and create great memories, he’s going to buy it with one of my bra’s I’m going to aurograph it and he’s going to sell in on E-bay for some ridiculous amount. Killer plan.

I’m going to have an Island one day its going to be called St Leon, there are going to be speakers mounted into the trees and as the day turns to night and the rhythm of the day changes so the music will at the same pace. Until we’re jamming to some crazy beats under the stars and moon. There’ll be bonfires everywhere. You can choose whichever one you want to dance around.

What I love most about Leon is his sincerity and ability to let me be myself around him. That’s my definition of a great friend. A person who lets it be easy for me to be me and who finds it easy to be themselves around me.

Keep your eyes on here, I’ll be writing again more often, thanks for giving me that kick my butt needed Leon!

The above image is a bit of an inside joke :)

Destiny's Sparkly Plan

So I've almost come to the conclusion that I have not been shortlisted for the Channel O Presenter Job. 

It's the 31st & that call hasn't come.

But you know what, I'm ok. Just Okay with it.

I think that I am destined for beautiful great things which will bring me endless inner happiness and financial success. I believe it and know its true.

Not getting the Channel O Access Presenter Job is simply saying (a few things really):

"Didi there are things more suited to you out there"

"The time is not right" (Although it's particularly hard to swallow this - I could almost taste that life...)

"You now know people believe in your dream,passion & soul" (Here is the proof)

Most of all, I now KNOW that I can tackle anything. I made a video in the rain, got a movement going where people took time out to give to me, I started a fun campaign which really kept me sane and happy, I have gotten soo many ideas of what I can do in the future (near future) to help get my dreams off the ground, I somehow managed to get my hair done without a cent and just the power of verbal persuasion (and the love of my sister), utter strangers jumped in to help me make it happen. These things are all very priceless. There's simply no value I could put to it all. Ever.

The world is my oyster and despite not getting that call back...

I Will Survive. I will continue to grow and be happy.

The experience has been great - and it goes into that basket of things I'll look back on and smile...