“I would rather recreate myself than be rejected by a man “
The above quote came from a woman who wrote in to a talk show. The topic was “The lengths women go to, to get a man”.
The said talk show aired quite some time ago. The words struck something within me. I was shocked at the statement. So I wrote it down. But at the time, wasn’t sure what more to say or think of it.
But now I lie in bed after having a private movie marathon and realising that we all sacrifice a part of ourselves to suit someone we think we want or someone we do indeed want.
We tweak, chop & change and morph to fit into some said or perceived way of being that will enable us to obtain that which we are after; whether it be a job, an opportunity, a grand prize on a reality TV show, a friendship. Or even (extreme as it may seem) A man.
The pursuit of love.
It can do some crazy things to a person. I tell you. Full on change you.
Slowly, yet, dramatically.
One lady called in, sharing her personal experience; that she had gone as far as making some physical changes to please the man she was with. She had several plastic surgeries to get closer to becoming the woman of his dreams – whatever that meant.
She nipped and tucked and endured months of, hospital food and pain during her hospitalisation at different times in her life only to inch closer to this man’s idea of what he deemed beautiful.
Yes, she most definitely had self esteem issues. But maybe she didn’t approach the relationship that way. Maybe, like you and I, she was simply willing to compromise.
Compromise.
Perhaps she merely feared rejection. Don’t we all? The only difference between us all is the extent we would go to in order to avoid it.
I will never know what she was going through - the minute little pieces of her that chipped away, the moments that edged her to her arrival at that point.
What I do know is that we all sacrifice a part of ourselves in the pursuit of what we want. It’s a scary fact of life.
I’ve seen many-a-girl carry out mildly outrageous antics to try fit into their particular beau of choice’s mould of “The perfect girl”
Dumbing themselves down to land the guy, taking up the ugly damaging habit of smoking or dressing differently & going to specific clubs to land that guy, some have pulled out the dustiest files of a soccer/rugby/hockey/American football teams and clued themselves up for their next (or potential?) encounter.
And are they to blame for changing to suit that specimen? Isn’t it the most basic law of life – survival of the fittest? The fittest in the dating Olympics could be the “best dressed”, “coolest”, “sweetest”, “easiest to get along with”, most clued up on “The Canucks”. Basically the one most likely to change to suit what the man wants. One that isn’t willing to challenge his intellect, one he can watch football with, maybe even one he can experiment drugs with and go wild at trance parties with. (Different strokes for different folks right?)
Who am I to judge?
I myself have done some fairly extreme things to impress a guy. I have gone as far as reading up (for hours) about the topics that interest him so that I can be well versed in his interests.
I’ve tried to seem helpless so that he can feel needed. But in the end none of the above worked, Not because I didn’t pull if off well enough (sad to admit). But, because it just wasn’t me and I grew tired of pretending. I certainly am not helpless. If anything, I enjoy being needed. I just couldn’t keep some things up. It’s too taxing.
It’s complex this game we play.
The easiest way to make it as least strenuous as possible is to be yourself and to be open enough to let him see what that is (hoping that he reciprocates) and if what is on offer doesn’t make your heart jolt move on swiftly. You’re bound to find someone that does.
